In Napoli
Where love is king
When boy meets girl
Here's what they say
When the moon hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie
That's amore
When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine
Bells will ring Ting-a-ling-a-ling
Then you'll sing "Vita bella"
Hearts will play Tippy-tippy-tay
Like a gay tarantella.
When the stars make you drool Just like pasta fazool
When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet
You're in love
When you walk in a dream
But you know you're not dreaming, signore
Scusa me, but you see back in old Napoli
That's amore
Lucky fella
He looks great.
That AI Conti is a genius.
I am a genius.
If you're such a genius, how come you can't keep track of your receipts?
Al, how am I supposed to do your income tax with this mess here?
Numbers, taxes, receipts--
I make them look better than they did in real life.
I'm an artistic genius.
Then how come you got butter on your tie?
Give it here. God.
You know what? I give you this. You make good coffee.
You're a slob, but you make good coffee.
Red roses.
Very romantic.
The guy that sends these really knows what he's doing.
The guy who sends those spends a lot of money...
on something that ends up in the garbage.
I'm glad everybody ain't like you, Loretta.
- I'd be out of business. - What are you talking? I love flowers.
Thanks, Carmine.
- Are you ready? - Hello, Bobo. How are you tonight?
- Very good, Mr. Johnny. - We'll both have the Ticino salad.
- And I'll have special fish. - Good.
You don't want the fish. It's the oily fish tonight. Not before the plane ride.
Maybe you're right.
We'll have the manicotti.
That will be a base for your stomach.
You eat that oily fish, you go up in the air...
halfway to Sicily you'll be green and your hands will be sweating.
You look after me.
- You're getting very upset. - I'm bored with this.
- I don't understand. - Don't ruin the whole evening.
- Patricia, please don't leave. - Do you think I'm a talking doll?
I was just making a point about the way you said...
-the way you stated your aspirations. -You can kiss my aspirations, Professor!
Very clever. The height of cleverness.
Waiter.
- Yes? - Would you do away with her dinner...
and any evidence of her, and bring me a big glass of vodka.
But absolutely.
A man who can't control his woman is funny.
- She was too young for him. - What's the matter, Uncle Bobo?
Tonight Mr. Johnny's going to propose marriage.
- How do you know that? - He arranged it with me.
When he asks her, he's gonna wave. Then I serve the champagne.
Good bachelor customer for 20 years.
- How's things? - Fine, Bobo. We'll have the check.
No, l--
- I want to see the dessert cart. - Very good.
- You never have dessert. - Never is a long time.
What's the matter with you?
My scalp is not getting enough blood sometimes.
- Have some dessert. - I shouldn't.
- Will you marry me? - What?
- Will you marry me?
- Bobo, take the cart away. - Very good, Miss Loretta.
- Are you proposing marriage to me? - Yes.
All right, you know I was married and that my husband died...
but what you don't know is I think he and I had bad luck.
- What do you mean? - We got married at City Hall.
-It gave bad luck to the whole marriage. -I don't understand.
Right from the start, we didn't do it right.
- Could you kneel down? - On the floor?
Yeah.
- This is a good suit. - I know that.
I helped you pick it out. It came with two pairs of pants.
It's for luck. A man proposes marriage to a woman, he should kneel down.
She's got him on his knees. He's ruining his suit.
Is that man praying?
- So-- - Where's the ring?
The ring.
A ring. That's right.
I would have sprung for the ring if it was me.
- You can use your pinkie ring. - I like this ring.
You propose marriage to a woman, you should offer her an engagement ring.
Loretta Castorini Clark...
on my knees, in front of all these people...
will you marry me?
Yes, John Anthony Cammareri.
I will marry you. I will be your wife.
- The check! - Right away, Mr. Johnny.
What about the wedding?
My mother is dying.
When she's dead, I'll come back and we'll get married.
How near death is she?
A week. Two weeks.
- No more. - Let's set a date. How about a month?
Must it be so definite?
Can we just say we'll be married when I get back?
Where? At the City Hall? No.
My mother is dying.
I want a whole wedding or we'll have bad luck.
For a whole wedding to be planned, you gotta set a date.
All right. A month.
- A month from today. - In a month.
- From today. - I'll take care of the whole thing.
All you gotta do is show up.
Come on.
- Call me when you get in. - I'll call you from Mama's house.
You make me very happy.
There's one thing about this wedding I want you to do.
I want you to call this number.
It's a business number. You ask for Ronny.
- Invite him to the wedding. - Who is it?
- It's my younger brother. - You got a brother?
We haven't spoken in five years.
There was some bad blood.
I want you to call him and invite him to the wedding.
- Will you do it? - Sure.
International Flight 604 for Rome...
with connections to Palermo is now boarding at Gate 43.
I gotta go.
You got your ticket?
Here, I got you these: gum and cough drops.
- Gum opens your ears when you chew it. - Yeah.
I gotta go.
This is the last call for lnternational Flight 604 for Rome.
- You have someone on that plane? - Yeah, my fiance.
I put a curse on that plane. My sister is on that plane.
I put a curse on that plane that it's gonna explode...
burn on fire and fall into the sea.
Fifty years ago, she stole a man from me.
Today she tells me that she never loved him...
that she took him to be strong on me.
Now she's going back to Sicily.
I cursed her that the green Atlantic water should swallow her up!
I don't believe in curses.
Neither do l.
- Mr. Johnny's, right? - Yeah.
Good night. The key's in it.
I've heard that song before.
What are you talking about? I've seen the way you look at her.
- It isn't right. - How do I look at her?
- Can I help you? - A spumante.
- So how do I look at her? - Like a wolf.
Never seen a wolf in your life. That's $11.99.
I seen the wolf in everybody I ever met...
and I see a wolf in you.
That makes 20. Thanks.
- Have a nice night. - You too.
- You know what I see in you? - What?
- The girl I married. - Come on.
Good night.
Hi, guys.
Sweethearts, how are you? Guess what happened to me today.
Hey, how long must I wait?
Come here!
- Hi, Pop. - Hi.
- Where's Ma? - In bed.
- You're not sleeping? - I can't sleep anymore.
It's too much like death.
Pop, I got news.
All right.
- Let's go into the kitchen. - Once again I start to pray
Let it please be him
Oh, dear God, it must be him
It must be him
Or I shall die
You look tired, Pop.
What's your news?
I'm getting married.
- Again? - Yeah.
You did this once before. It didn't work out.
- The guy died. - What killed him?
- He got hit by a bus. - No. Bad luck.
Your mother and I were married 52 years. Nobody died.
You were married two years, somebody's dead.
Don't get married again. It don't work out for you.
- Who's the man? - Johnny Cammareri.
He's a big baby. And why isn't he here telling me this?
He's flying to Sicily. His mother is dying.
More bad luck. I don't like his face. I don't like his lips.
When he smiles, I can't see his teeth. What is he hiding?
- When are you gonna do it? - In a month.
- I won't come. - You gotta give me away.
- I didn't give you away the first time. - And I had bad luck!
Maybe if you gave me away...
and I got married in a church in a wedding dress...
instead of down at the City Hall with strangers outside the door...
then maybe I wouldn't have had the bad luck I had.
Maybe.
I had no reception, no wedding cake, no nothing.
Johnny got down on his knees and proposed to me at the Grand Ticino.
- He did? - Yeah.
- That don't sound like Johnny. - Well--
- Where's the ring? - Here.
It looks stupid. It's a pinky ring.
- It's a man's ring. - It's temporary!
Everything is temporary! That don't excuse nothing!
You're coming?
Let's go tell your mother.
Rose.
Who's dead?
Nobody.
- Loretta's getting married. - Again?
- Yeah. - Johnny Cammareri.
- I don't like him. - You're not gonna marry him, Cosmo.
- Do you love him? - No.
Good. When you love them, they drive you crazy...
'cause they know they can.
- But you like him? - Yeah.
He's a sweet man, Ma.
This time I'm gonna get married in a church and have a big reception.
- Who's gonna pay for that? - Pop.
What?
Father of the bride pays.
I have no money.
- You're rich. You're just cheap. - I don't want to pay for nothing.
It's your duty as my father to pay for the wedding.
I won't pay for nothing.
He didn't used to be cheap.
He thinks if he holds onto his money, he will never die.
What's done is done
And I tell myself don't be a fool
Now he'll play that damn record and won't touch me when he comes to bed.
Have a lot of fun
It's easy when you play it cool
Look at that old man. How many dogs has he got?
- Keep your dogs off my lawn. - Come on.
Don't do that. She's asleep.
- She's asleep. - Look all the flowers on Foncica.
My brother sent her a blue flower.
I can only see things in my house.
Things in my house are very bad. I don't know what to advise my son.
I think he should pay for the wedding...
but it's important that he don't look ridiculous.
- Why don't you talk to him? - I will.
But I must find the right moment.
See that bella luna last night?
The moon brings the woman to the man.
Upstairs. Everybody upstairs.
Come on.
- Will you live here? - No.
- Why not? - Pop don't like Johnny.
We'll sell the house.
I got married before, you didn't sell.
Grandma was still alive.
Chiro was still home going to school. Now he's married, gone to Florida.
If you and Johnny moved in and had a baby--
Ma, I'm 37 years old.
What's 37?
I didn't have Chiro till after I was 37.
It ain't over till it's over.
Johnny's got a big apartment. We'll move in there.
So we'll sell the house.
You know-- What-- I want to live here. I love the house.
Pop don't like Johnny.
No, he don't.
I'll get it.
Hello?
Yeah, this is Loretta Castorini.
Hello, operator?
- Yeah. - Yes. Shh! It's me.
I'm calling from the death bed of my mother.
Yeah, how was your plane ride?
The waitresses were very nice.
- My mother is slipping away. - How long do I have to wait?
-I can't talk long. -Did you tell her we're getting married?
No, not yet. I'm waiting till a moment when she's peaceful.
Well, don't wait till she's dead.
Have you called my brother?
No. I'm sorry. Not yet. I forgot.
- Will you do it today? - Yes.
Make sure he comes to the wedding.
Five years is too long for bad blood between brothers.
Nothing can replace the family.
I can see that now.
Loretta, are you there?
I'm sorry. I'll do it today.
And listen, Johnny.
- Call me after you tell her. - All right.
And don't stand directly under the sun. You got a hat. Use your hat.
I got my hat. All right. Bye.
All right. Bye-bye.
What did I do with that card?
How's the mother?
She's dying, but I could still hear her big mouth.
He didn't tell her.
You know, the woman makes him crazy.
Now who you calling?
Cammareri's.
Is Ronny Cammareri there, please?
Hold on.
Ronny, the phone!
Yeah, this is Ronny.
Yeah, I'm calling for your brother.
He's getting married, and he would like it if you would come.
Why didn't he call himself?
- He's in Palermo. - What's wrong can never be made right.
Look, just let me come and talk--
Talk to you! Animal!
What an animal!
Thanks, Mrs. Fugocci.
Here you go. Bye. See you tomorrow.
- Bye. - Come on, honey.
- Is Ronny Cammareri here? - He's down at the ovens.
- What do you want? - I want to talk to him.
This way.
- What? - Somebody here to see Ronny.
Somebody wants to see you!
- You come for my brother Johnny? - Yeah.
Why?
We're gonna get married.
- You're gonna marry my brother Johnny? - Yeah.
Would you like to go someplace so we could talk--
- I have no life. - Excuse me?
My brother Johnny took my life from me.
I don't understand you.
And now he's getting married. He has his.
He's getting his, and he wants me to come.
What is life?
- I didn't come here to upset you. - They say bread is life.
And I bake bread, bread, bread.
I sweat and shovel this stinking dough...
in and out of this hot hole in the wall...
and I should be so happy, huh, sweetie?
You want me to come to the wedding of my brother Johnny?
Where's my wedding?
Chrissy, bring me the big knife over by the wall.
I'm gonna cut my throat!
Maybe I should come back another time.
No, I want you to see this. I want you...
to watch me kill myself so you can tell my brother Johnny...
on his wedding day, okay?
I won't do it!
She won't do it. Do you know about me?
- Mr. Cammareri-- - What?
Okay.
Nothing is anybody's fault, but things happen.
Look.
This wood is fake.
Five years ago, I was engaged to be married...
and Johnny came in here and ordered bread from me.
I said, "Okay, some bread."
And I put my hand in the slicer...
and it got caught 'cause I wasn't paying attention.
The slicer chewed off my hand.
It's funny, 'cause when my fiance found out about it...
when she found out I had been maimed, she left me for another man.
That's the bad blood between you and Johnny?
Yes, that's it.
But that's not Johnny's fault.
I don't care! I ain't no freaking monument to justice!
I lost my hand! I lost my bride!
Johnny has his hand! Johnny has his bride!
You want me to take my heartbreak, put it away and forget it?
Is it just a matter of time...
before a man opens his eyes...
and gives up his one...
dream of happiness?
Maybe.
This is the most tormented man I have ever known.
I'm in love with this man...
but he doesn't know that.
I never told him, 'cause he could never love anybody...
since he lost his hand and his girl.
Where do you live?
Upstairs.
Can we just talk?
What are we painting here, the Sistine Chapel?
We should have been plumbers like Castorini.
What do you think?
Ten thousand eight hundred dollars.
That seems like a lot.
Look...
there are three kinds of pipe.
There's the kind of pipe you have, which is garbage.
You can see where that's gotten you.
Then there's bronze, which is very good.
Unless something goes wrong...
and something always goes wrong.
Then there's copper, which is the only pipe I use.
It costs money because it saves money.
I think we should follow Mr. Castorini's advice.
Yeah.
And then there's copper...
which is the only pipe I use.
It costs money.
It costs money because...
it saves money.
- What did they say? - The man understood me.
The woman wanted to be cheap, but the man saw I was right.
You have such a head for knowing. You know everything.
I brought you something.
It's a present.
Oh, my God.
They're little birds and stars.
Birds fly to the stars I guess.
- What's that smell? - I'm making you a steak.
- I don't want it. - You'll eat it.
I like it well-done!
You'll eat this one bloody to feed your blood.
This is good.
- Where'd Johnny find you? - He knew my husband who died.
- How'd he die? - A bus hit him.
- Fast? - Instantaneous.
- When'd you get engaged? - Yesterday.
So five years ago you got your hand cut off and your woman left you.
- No woman since then? - No.
- Stupid. - When your husband get hit?
Seven years ago.
- How many men since then? - Just Johnny.
- Stupid yourself. - Unlucky.
- I've not been lucky. - I don't care about luck.
You understand me? It ain't that.
What's the matter with you? You think you're the only one who shed a tear?
Why are you talking to me?
You got any whiskey? How about you get me a glass of whiskey?
I'll call you later.
- She was right to leave me. - You think so?
- Yeah. - You really are stupid.
You don't know nothing about it.
Look, I was raised that a girl gets married young.
I held out for love.
I got married when I was 28.
I met a man. I loved him. I married him.
He wanted to have a baby right away. I said we should wait.
Then he gets hit by a bus.
What do I got? No man, no baby, no nothing.
How did I know that man was a gift I couldn't keep.
My one chance at happiness.
You tell me the story, and you act like you know what it means...
but I can see what the true story is and you can't.
That woman didn't leave you, okay?
You can't see what you are, and I see everything. You're a wolf.
- I'm a wolf? - Yeah.
The big part of you has no words, and it's a wolf.
That woman was a trap for you. She caught you, and you couldn't get away...
so you chewed off your own foot.
That was the price you had to pay for your freedom.
Johnny had nothing to do with it.
You did what you had to do between you and you.
And now you're afraid...
because you know the big part of you is a wolf...
that has the courage to bite off its own hand...
to save itself from the trap of the wrong love.
That's why there's been no woman since that wrong woman. Okay?
You're scared to death of what the wolf will do...
- if you make that mistake again. - What are you doing?
- I'm telling you your life. - Stop it.
Why are you marrying Johnny? He's a fool!
Because I have no luck.
He made me look the wrong way, and I cut off my hand!
He could make you look the wrong way. You could lose your whole head!
I'm looking where I have to to become a bride!
- A bride without a head! - A wolf without a foot!
Wait a minute!
What are you doing?
Son of a bitch!
Where are you taking me?
To the bed.
Oh, God. Okay, I don't care.
Take me to the bed.
- I don't care about anything. - I don't believe this is happening.
- I was dead. - Me too.
- What about Johnny? - You're mad at him.
Take your revenge out on me.
Leave nothing left for him to marry.
Leave nothing but the skin over my bones.
All right. There will be nothing left.
Let's eat while it's hot.
Where's Loretta? We're eating without her?
- She must be eating out. - She don't know what she's missing.
It's not like her not to call.
She's got a lot on her mind. We can talk about her, right?
- Everybody knows she's getting married. - I don't want to talk about it.
I think it's a great idea and about time.
What's she gonna do with the rest of her life if she don't get married?
I don't want to talk about it!
My father needs another plate.
Many years ago, when they told me...
you were marrying my sister...
I was happy.
When I told Rose...
that I was marrying Rita...
she was happy.
Marriage is happy news, right?
Rose, pass the wine.
I never seen anybody so in love...
Like Cosmo was back then.
He'd stand outside the house all day looking in the windows.
I never told you this 'cause it's not really a story...
but one time I woke up in the middle of the night...
'cause of this bright light in my face...
Like a flashlight.
I couldn't think what it was.
I looked out the window, and it was the moon...
as big as a house.
I never seen the moon so big before or since.
I was almost scared, like it was gonna crush the house.
Then I looked down...
and standing there in the street was Cosmo...
Looking up at the windows.
This is the funny part.
I got mad at you, Cosmo.
I thought you had brought that big moon over to my house...
'cause you were so in love...
and woke me up with it.
I was half asleep I guess. I didn't know any better.
You were altogether asleep. You were dreaming.
You were there.
I don't want to talk about it.
What do you want to talk about?
Why are you drinking so much?
Old man, you give those dogs another piece of my food...
I'll kick you till you're dead.
You drank too much.
You'll sleep too hard, and later you'll be up when you should be down.
- What's the matter? - Nothing. I'm looking at the moon.
It's perfect.
I never seen a moon like that before.
Makes you look like an angel.
Looks like a giant snowball.
- Rita. - What?
Rita, dear, wake up.
Look.
It's Cosmo's moon.
What are you talking about? Cosmo can't own the moon.
It's that moon I was talking about at dinner.
Is he down there?
Is who down there?
- What would he be doing down there? - I don't know.
You know something?
In that light...
with that expression on your face...
you look about 25 years old.
What do you want?
Get out.
Why do you make me wait?
Come on!
Howl!
- Oh, my God! - What?
- Take it easy.
- I was trying to do everything right. - Don't just become excited.
I thought if I stayed away from City Hall, I wouldn't have bad luck again.
- You're making me feel guilty. - I'm marrying your brother.
All right, I'm guilty. I confess.
The wedding's in a couple of weeks. You're invited.
How come you didn't be like him and be with your mother in Palermo.
- She don't like me. - You don't get along with anybody.
- What did you do? - What did I do?
- You ruined my life. - That's impossible!
It was ruined when I got here. You ruined my life.
- No, I didn't. - Yes, you did!
You got them bad eyes like a gypsy.
I don't know why I didn't see it yesterday.
Bad luck. That's it. Is that all I'm ever gonna have?
I should have taken a rock and killed myself years ago.
I'm gonna marry him. Do you hear me? Last night never happened.
You and I are gonna take this to our coffins.
- I can't do that. - Why not?
I'm in love with you.
Snap out of it!
- I can't. - Then I must never see you again...
and the bad blood will have to stay between you and Johnny forever.
- And you won't come to the wedding. - I'll come to the wedding.
- I'm telling you, you can't come! - He wants me to come.
That's because he don't know.
Now wait a minute. Honey, listen.
All right. I won't come to the wedding, provided one thing.
- What? - You come with me tonight to the opera.
- What are you talking about? - I love two things.
I love you, and I love the opera.
If I can have the two things that I love together for one night...
I would be satisfied to give up--
Christ. To give up the rest of my life.
All right.
- Meet me at the Met. - All right.
- Where's the Met? - You gotta--
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
It's been two months since my last confession.
What sins have you to confess?
Twice I took the name of the Lord in vain...
once I slept with the brother of my fiance...
and once I bounced a check at the liquor store...
- but that was really an accident. - Then it's not a sin.
But what was that second thing you said?
The one about once I slept with the brother of my fiance?
- That's a pretty big sin. - I know.
- You should think about this. - I know.
All right. For your penance, say two rosaries.
Be careful, Loretta.
Reflect on your life.
All right.
- Hi. - Where you been?
- I don't want to talk about it. - Just like your father.
I lied to him.
- He thinks you came home last night. - Thanks.
What's the matter with you?
- Cosmo's cheating on me. - What?
- Yeah. - How do you know this?
- A wife knows. - Mom, you don't even know.
You're just imagining it. He's too old.
I won't be home for dinner.
I feel great.
I got no sleep, but I feel like Orlando Furioso.
You were a tiger last night.
And you were a lamb, as soft as milk.
Shh! Lower your voice. They'll hear you in the back.
So what? The pleasure of marriage is you sleep with the woman...
- you don't worry about nothing. - Be quiet, Raymond!
- How about a date tonight? - What's the matter with you?
We'll eat some pasta. We'll roll around a little.
- What got into you? - I really don't know.
That crazy moon Cosmo sent over.
Hi, Aunt Rita. Hi, Uncle Raymond.
Hey, there!
You with the stars in your eyes
- What's the matter with him? - You got me.
You see that moon last night?
- What moon? - Did you see it?
Listen, I gotta go, okay? I'll take the deposit to the bank...
but I'll come back tomorrow and do the books.
Sure. You got a date.
What are you talking about, you fool?
Her fiance's in Palermo! What date?
Right.
- I just got a lot of things to do. - You got all that wedding stuff.
Yeah.
That's romantic too.
Isn't it romantic
Frankie, make me a bowl of minestrone!
What's the matter with you? You look crazy.
- I got a lot on my mind. - What?
- I got a lot-- - Don't tell me that! What's the matter?
- I don't want to talk about it! - You look like you're nuts!
I don't want to talk about it.
Take out the gray.
I have been wanting to do this for three years.
Let me show you some magazines.
And you're gonna need a manicure, yes.
You take her, Batina. She's gonna take out the gray.
Yeah, and someone will have to do the eyebrows.
- Look. Something nice and soft. - Wait a minute.
- Has anybody here been to the opera? - Not me.
- Bellissima without those ugly grays. - It's fantastic.
- You ever been to the opera? - No, have you?
Batina, you ever been to the opera?
- This is the color I would use. - La Boheme?
- I've never been there. - You're going to the Met?
Yeah.
She came in when she turned 40 and her husband left her.
- Bye-bye. - Okay.
Wow. Look at that.
Careful.
I'm home!
Don't everybody answer at the same time. Hello!
You look beautiful.
- Your hair. - Yeah, I had it done.
You look beautiful too.
Thank you.
I said I'd go to the opera with you, but that's all.
Come on, let's go in.
- Look at that. - Isn't it something?
Wow. Thank you.
For what?
I don't know. For your hair.
For your beautiful dress.
I don't know. It's been a long time since I've been to the opera.
- So, where are we sitting? - Come on.
Here we go.
- So, who's coming? - Just me. I want to eat.
Okay, I got a table for you right now.
- This all right? - Fine.
- Enjoy your meal. - Thanks.
- You dining alone tonight? - Hello. Yeah.
Let me have a martini, no ice, two olives.
Very good.
I'm trying to explain to you how I feel.
Every time I tell you how I feel, you tell me how you feel.
- That's not much of a response. - It's the only response I got.
- You want something to eat? - Not now. I'll wait.
Very good.
I really hate it when you use that tone with me.
Like you're above it all and isn't it so amusing.
- But it is, isn't it? - Not to me.
This is my life, no matter how comical it may seem to you.
I don't need some man standing above the struggle while I'm rolling in mud.
I think you like to roll around in the mud and I don't.
That's fair, isn't it? Now why--
Sorry about that, folks.
She's a very pretty mental patient.
No, don't. Please, don't mind me.
Just do me a favor and clear her place.
Get rid of all evidence of her, and bring me a big glass of vodka.
Absolutely.
- I'm sorry if we disturbed you. - I'm not disturbed by you.
My lady friend has a personality disorder.
She's just too young for you.
Thanks, comrade.
It's nothing.
Too young? I just got that. You know how to hurt a guy.
- How old are you? - None of your business.
I'm sorry. That was rude.
Would you like to join me for dinner?
Are you sure?
I'd be delighted.
I hate to eat alone. It's amazing how often I end up doing just that.
- Signora Castorini. - Oh, yes.
- Your minestrone. - Thanks, Bobo.
-What do you do? -I'm a communication professor at N.Y.U.
- That woman was a student of yours? - Sheila? Yeah, she was.
Is.
Was.
My mother had an old saying. You want to hear it?
- Sure. - Don't shit where you eat.
I'll remember that.
- What do you do? - I'm a housewife.
- How come you're eating alone? - I'm not eating alone.
- May I ask you a question? - Yeah, go ahead.
Why do men chase women?
- Nerves? - I think it's because they fear death.
Maybe. You want to know why I chase women?
I find women charming.
I teach these classes I've taught for a million years.
The spontaneity went out of it for me a long time ago.
I started out excited about something, wanted to share it.
Now it's rote, a multiplication table.
Except sometimes I'll be droning along.
I'll look up, and I'll see a fresh...
beautiful, young face.
And it's all new to her.
I'm just this great guy who's brilliant and thinks out loud.
When that happens, when I look out there among those chairs...
and see a young woman's face...
and see me in her eyes...
the way I always wanted to be, maybe once was...
I ask her out for a date.
It doesn't last long.
A few weeks. A couple of precious months.
Then she catches on that I'm just this burnt-out, old gasbag...
and she's as fresh and bright...
and full of promise as moonlight in a martini.
At that moment, she stands up and throws a glass of water in my face...
or some action to that effect.
What you don't know about women is a lot.
That's not what I hear.
- What would you like? - Two white wines.
Yes, sir.
I'd like two glasses of champagne.
Canadian Club and ginger ale and Dubonnet on the rocks, please.
- What's that? - This was done by Marc Chagall.
- As you can see, he was a great artist. - Kind of gaudy.
He was having some fun.
- They get some turnout for this stuff. - It's the best thing there is.
I like parts of it, but I don't really get it.
You haven't once said you like my dress.
I like your dress.
It's very bright.
Will you hold this? Thanks.
- May I walk with you a ways? - Sure.
Thanks.
- Do you live far from here? - Just up there.
- You knew that man? - Yes.
That was so awful.
- "Awful"? - Beautiful. Sad.
- She died. - Yes.
I couldn't believe it. I didn't think she was gonna die.
- I knew she was sick, but-- - She had TB.
I know. She was coughing her brains out, right?
And still she had to keep singing.
- Shall we go now? - Pop?
What are you doing here?
Wait for me by the doors, Mona.
Excuse me.
- What'd you do to your hair? - I had it done.
- What are you doing here? - What are you doing here?
- Who's that guy? You're engaged. - And you're married.
You're my daughter. I won't have you act like a putana.
- And you're my father-- - All right.
- I didn't see you here. - I don't know if I saw you here.
Let's get out of here. I'll buy you a drink.
That woman was not my mother, okay?
That's my house.
- You mean the whole house? - Yes.
My God, it's a mansion.
It's a house.
I live in a one-bedroom apartment.
What exactly does your husband do?
- He's a plumber. - That explains it then.
Temperature's dropping.
- I guess you can't invite me in. - No.
- People home. - No, I think the house is empty.
I can't invite you in because I'm married...
because I know who I am.
- You're shivering. - I'm a little cold.
You're a little boy, and you like to be bad.
We could go to my apartment. You could see how the other half lives.
I'm too old for you.
I'm too old for me. That's my predicament.
Good night.
Can I kiss you on the cheek too?
Sure.
I'm freezing.
Good night.
Anything else, folks?
I think that's it, Al.
- See you, Al. - See you, Carmine.
- What do you want to do now? - I want to go home.
- Good night, Al. - Take it easy, Ronny.
God, it's cold.
It smells like snow.
You know, my mother guessed that my father was seeing somebody.
That Mona-- I mean, she's some piece of cheap goods.
Who am I to talk?
- What's the matter? - How can you ask me that?
- You're making me feel guilty. - You are guilty. I'm guilty.
Of what? Only God can point the finger.
I know what I know.
And what do you know?
You tell me my life. I'll tell you yours.
I'm a wolf. You run to the wolf in me.
That don't make you no lamb. You're gonna marry my brother.
Why you want to sell your life short?
Playing it safe is just about the most dangerous thing...
a woman like you could do.
You waited for the right man the first time.
Why didn't you wait for the right man again?
- Because he didn't come. - I'm here.
You're late.
- This is your place. - That's right.
- This is where we were going. - Yeah.
You know, we had a deal.
You told me if I came with you to the opera...
then you'd leave me alone forever.
I came with you. Now I'm gonna marry your brother...
and you're gonna leave me alone forever, right?
A person can see where they've messed up in their life...
and they can change the way they do things...
and they can even change their luck.
So maybe my nature does draw me to you.
That don't mean I have to go with it.
I can take hold of myself.
I can say yes to some things...
and no to other things that are gonna ruin everything.
I can do that. Otherwise, you know...
what good is this stupid life that God gave us?
- Are you listening to me? - Yeah.
Everything seems like nothing to me now.
I guess I want you in my bed.
I don't care if I burn in hell.
I don't care if you burn in hell.
The past and the future is a joke to me now.
I see that they're nothing. I see they ain't here.
The only thing that's here is you and me.
I want to go home. I'm going home.
- I'm freezing to death. - Come upstairs.
I don't care why you come.
That's not what I mean.
Loretta, I love you.
Not like they told you love is.
And I didn't know this either.
But love don't make things nice.
It ruins everything. It breaks your heart.
It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect.
The snowflakes are perfect.
The stars are perfect.
Not us.
We are here to ruin ourselves...
and to break our hearts...
and love the wrong people...
and die.
I mean, the storybooks are bullshit!
Now, I want you to come upstairs with me and get in my bed!
Come on.
Nineteen Cranberry Street, Brooklyn.
Got it.
Hold it!
- How much? - Twenty-five.
- Twenty-five dollars? - Yeah.
Hold it.
Hi. I'm sorry to call so late.
- Moving in? - No, I came right from the airport.
Come on in.
Can you wake up Loretta? I need to talk to her.
She's not home yet.
Take off your coat and come in the living room.
I'll make you a drink.
I want to talk to you.
- Thank you. Where is she? - Out.
I don't know where.
So, what are you doing here?
You're supposed to be in Palermo.
That's what I came to tell Loretta. There's been a miracle.
A miracle? Well, that's news.
My mother's recovered!
You're kidding.
The breath had almost totally left her body.
She was as white as snow.
Then she completely pulled back from death...
and stood up...
and put on her clothes...
and began to cook for everyone in the house:
the mourners and me and herself.
She ate a meal that could choke a pig.
- That's incredible. - Yes.
Hi, Pop.
Oh, my God.
Is he all right?
My father-in-law has this wrong idea...
in his head.
Listen, Johnny...
there's a question I want to ask.
I want you to tell me the truth, if you can.
Why do men chase women?
There's the Bible story.
God took a rib from Adam and made Eve.
Now maybe men chase women to get the rib back.
When God took the rib...
He left a big hole there...
a place where there used to be something.
And the women have that.
Now maybe...
just maybe...
a man isn't complete as a man...
without a woman.
Why would a man need...
more than one woman?
I don't know.
Maybe because he fears death.
That's it. That's the reason.
I don't know!
Thank you for answering my question.
Hello, Mr. Castorini.
- Where you been? - I don't know, Rose.
I don't know where I've been or where I'm going.
All right?
You should have your eyes open.
- I have my eyes open. - Yeah?
Stick around. Don't go on any long trips.
I don't know what you mean.
I know you don't. That's the point.
- I'll say no more. - You haven't said anything.
And that's all I'm saying.
- Cosmo. - What?
I just want you to know...
no matter what you do, you're gonna die just like everybody else.
- Thank you, Rose. - You're welcome.
I'm going to bed now.
- I'm going. - Good.
He doesn't like you, but thank you for answering my question.
- You don't know where Loretta is? - No idea.
Mrs. Castorini, will you tell Loretta that I'll come by in the morning?
We need to talk.
- Okay, I'll tell her. - Thank you.
Watch it. The house.
- What the hell happened to you? - I really don't know where to start.
- Your hair's different. - Ma, everything is different.
- Are you drunk? - No, are you drunk?
No, but I have a hangover.
- Where's Pop? - Upstairs.
Johnny Cammareri showed up last night.
- What? He's in Sicily. - No more he's not.
- He's with his dying mother in Sicily. - She recovered.
- She was dying. - It was a miracle.
This is modern times. There ain't supposed to be miracles no more.
I guess it ain't modern times in Sicily.
He came right from the airport to talk to you.
You got a love bite on your neck.
He's coming back this morning. What's the matter with you?
Your life's going down the toilet!
- Cover up that thing! Put makeup on! - All right!
Ma, okay, fine! But you got to help me!
- Hurry up! - Oh, my God.
You get it.
Answer the door! Mother?
Hi. Is Loretta home?
Come on in.
It's not Johnny!
- Is Johnny here? - No, but he's coming.
Good. We can get this out on the table.
Hi, I'm Ronny, Johnny's brother.
I'm Rose Castorini.
- It's nice to meet you. - It's nice to meet you.
Got a love bite on your neck.
- Your mother's recovered from death. - Good.
- We're not close. I'm not really moved. - You gotta get outta here.
- I'm here to meet the family. - Really, you gotta get outta here.
Anyone want some oatmeal?
- No, Ma. - Yes, Mrs. Castorini.
- I would love some oatmeal. - No, we don't want any oatmeal!
- Take your coat off. Sit down. - Ma! What? This is a--
- Thanks, Ma. - You're welcome.
Cosmo, this is Ronny, Johnny's brother.
It's very good to meet you.
I have a feeling this is going to be just delicious.
- You're Johnny's brother? - Yeah.
- Don't look at me like that. - Hi, Pop.
What's the matter, Pop?
I am old.
The old are not wanted.
And if they say it, they have no weight.
But, my son, I must speak.
You must pay for the wedding of your only daughter.
You break your house through pride.
There. I've said it.
It's okay, Pop.
If she gets married, I'll pay for the whole thing.
Now you talking.
Let's eat.
- Have I been a good wife? - Yeah.
I want you to stop seeing her.
And go to confession.
A man understands one day that his life is built on nothing...
and that's a bad, crazy day.
Your life is not built on nothing.
- It's Johnny. I'll get it. - I'll get it.
- I think I should tell him. - I'll tell him.
- What am I gonna tell him? - Tell him the truth.
- They find out anyway. - You're right, Pop.
Why aren't you at the store?
Do you have something you want to tell us?
We just come from the bank.
Yeah?
My God! The bank! I forgot to make the deposit!
- She's got it! - I knew she had it!
- We didn't know what to think. - I forgot!
It was so weird yesterday.
- I know. I'm sorry. - Then we went to the bank and no bag.
- We never suspected you. - Would anyone like some coffee?
- Yes, coffee. - That's a good idea.
- What's with this? - I'll tell you later.
- I forgot to make their deposit. - Here, sit down. Have some coffee.
- So what are we doing? - Waiting for Johnny Cammareri.
- My name's Ronny. - Johnny's brother.
Nice to meet you. I'm Rita Cappomaggi.
- Hi. - Raymond Cappomaggi, Rose's brother.
Someone tell a joke.
I'll get it.
I thought Johnny was in Palermo.
It's Johnny Cammareri.
- Have you come to make peace with me? - Yes.
But you may not want to.
Ronny, of course I want to.
But, Johnny, your mother was dying. How did she recover?
I told my mother we were to be married, and she got well right away.
- I'm sure she did. - It was a miracle.
- Thank God. - Yeah.
- I have something I have to tell you. - And I have something to tell you...
- but I must talk to you alone. - I need my family around me now.
- I can't marry you. - What?
If I marry you, my mother will die.
What the hell are you talking about? We're engaged.
- What are you talking about? - I'm talking about a promise.
- He proposed! - Because my mother was dying.
Now she's not!
You're 42 years old. She's still running your life.
You are a son who doesn't love his mother!
You are a big liar! Because I have a ring right here.
- I must ask for that back. - All right, the engagement is off.
- In time you will see this is best. - In time you'll drop dead...
and I'll come to your funeral in a red dress!
What?
Will you marry me?
- What? - Where's the ring?
Can I borrow that ring?
Thanks.
Will you marry me?
Yes, Ronny. In front of all these people, I'll marry you.
- Do you love him, Loretta? - Ma, I love him awful.
God, that's too bad.
She loves me.
What's the matter, Pop?
I'm confused.
To Loretta and Ronny!
Come on. There.
- Your brother is here and you're-- - I don't want any.
You're part of the family. Don't you realize?
Come on, please.
Everybody, come on. Glass in hand.
To the family!